The Mother of Mothers
Hello my favorite peeps,
Before anything else, we were held. In this Mother's Day edition, we reflect on the many faces of Mother: from the woman who raised us, to the Earth that sustains us, to the fierce and tender love that lives inside us all.
Who is your Mother…Really?
I lost my mother at a very young age…and I birthed both a son and a daughter. They each married, so I gained a daughter and a son-in-law. Because of these events, I have thought about the idea of “Mother,” and what it means to be a mother, for quite some time.
The Mother of Mothers
The one common, uniting experience for every single child…every single critter…even the plants and fungi we have on this planet…is that we all have a mother.
What I mean is this: from the start of life, planet Earth has been the Mother of Mothers for everything and everyone. Cardinal Mermillod says, “A mother is the one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take.”
Isn’t that the truth?
The Body Knows
When my tiny daughter was still nursing for all her sustenance, and she was offered a bottle…she would have none of it. She only wanted (and would only take) my breast…my nipple…nothing less.
Once, when my return home was delayed for a complete day…she refused the bottle of my breast milk that I had pumped for her, and she cried all day.
The body knows.
Mother’s and caregivers who raise us are central figures in how we perceive our world…and how we see and feel about ourselves.
Not Knowing My Own Significance
Because I grew up without a mother…and had suffered so much abuse as a child…I did not comprehend my significance as a mother for my children.
I believed others might even be better mothers than I could be.
Later, when I shared my thoughts with my daughter she was incredulous. My daughter said: “But Mom, you are ‘MY’ mother.” Maybe I was overwhelmed with the breadth and depth of my role: fully encompassing…deeper and wider than I realized.
The Weight of Motherhood
We mothers carry responsibility for just about everything: safety, nutrition, rest, navigating the raising of our little human beings. And yet, in our culture, mothers take a lot of heat. We are too much…not enough…or both at the same time.
There is a lack of resources for single mothers, and mothers take the blame for just about everything. And I find it disappointing that critical comments about mothers are so common in our language.
Language and Conditioning
“helicopter mom”
“soccer mom”
“martyr mom”
And one of the most damning phrases: mother fvcker.
Really?
We never hear father f*vckerr.
To say that to a woman is implied violence.
How much conditioning have we accepted from our culture unconsciously?
And then there is the word “bitch”…compare that to the word “stud.”
Let that sink in.
Mother Bear
As a mother, and as a midwife, I observed something powerful.
Something happens when we birth a child. We become Mother Bear. I used to say, “If you mess with my babies, I will break your face.” And I meant it.
All our molecules align to protect our children. Like a mother lion defending her cubs against a male lion, she will fight to the death to protect them.
That is one damn strong form of mother love.
Where Are the Women?
Women have been birthing and raising humanity for thousands of years.
Did you know that birthing children predates Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, and Buddha?
No women authored chapters of the Bible. Women could not write the Torah, only men could be scribes. And the words of God in Islam were transmitted to Mohammad, a man. Yet we all live by these words.
What happened to our female prophets?
One shining moment remains:
The Therīgāthā—these are poems by enlightened Buddhist nuns—Considered the oldest known writings by women in the world. Their voices made it through, but few of us know them.
Mother Earth
And now…Mother Earth.
She feeds us. She nourishes us. She supports every living being.
She is made of stardust. This is not poetic, it is scientific. I feel awe when I think that, I am, you are, everything is made of stardust.
It takes all kinds of stardust to survive.
Balance
The masculine and feminine exist within all of us.
One gender dominating the others is not a state of survival.
Our Task
So, our task is this:
To find the strength in the feminine within us. To celebrate ourselves together.
To remember that we all have a mother. We need her to live.
And remember that we only get one mother.
Closing
Happy Mother’s Day, my Curious Peeps. Thank you for being here. It means so much to me. Stay curious.
From my heart to your curiosity,
Afia